If there were any justice in this world then Kiwiman (or "Mr X" as we should be calling him) would have received a Nobel Prize many years ago (and not for any of the peace the authorities say he brings, either, but the pieces in his wardrobe).
And what about that mask? How does he get it to stay on like that? Just what are the sartorial secrets of this most mysterious and rare figure of ovarian manliness?
I hope you have the answer to any question as to why Esse Louder might take an interest in this fashion worthy hero.
To anyone but the most ignorant the S.A.N.Z. is a household name, though some it seems have forgotten what it stands for (if they ever knew to begin with). Just to be clear it stand for Super Agents New Zealand (some people like to say 'of ' New Zealand).
The members in this group are the Government sanctioned group called upon in times of national threat. However it is a loose affiliation and only comes together when called upon by the Prime Minister as a rule. There is no official leader, nor any known electoral process for membership, and more importantly there is no dress code!
Important for the very reason that it ensures diversity.
The diversity of costumes within the S.A.N.Z has been a catalyst to almost all of the big names in fashion design in the last decade. You can't turn left without bumping into someone wearing a Renee' Shouclair Gitteau knock off; originally modeled on the Fantails exquisite flying suit, or Street Princess's evening crime fighting gowns.

And for the men, the highest goal is Kiwiman's unique sportshortsjumpsuit combination. An inspired design that can and does repay its wearer with a closely cutting dynamism that projects the confidence of manly strength and bird like poise. Although it would seem natural to assume that not everyone can wear it and make it work, I suggest that with a little coaxing we could easily get a 'Kiwiman Eye for the Slight Guy' to help all men (even for those on the fat side, modern corseting can and does work wonders!) look like the hero of their lover's dreams.
But back to Kiwiman... We can analyse his clothing only so far, and even then what do clothes really tell us of the history of a man... Clothes may maketh the man, but they still don't tell us where he came from for a man can shuck one suit for another these days without ever giving away his class or provenance. Life was not always like that, in England in the ____'s if a commoner wore the the same clothing that an aristocrat they could be arrested a tried for dressing above their station. These days you'd have to be impersonating someone and trying to do something illegal to warrant arrest.

But fashion always takes a cue from what is popular, what is in the mind of modern man. These days it's Super Agents and more Super Agents.
In researching Kiwiman's actual past I discovered two important things. The first being that, although there are a lot of Kiwiman experts in the world, few of them agree on anything the other says about him. Especially to do with his past.
I have read accounts that promise to prove beyond doubt that Kiwiman is the descendant of a long line of do-gooders whose first antecedent landed on New Zealand a hundred years before Captain Cook. Supposedly dumped by pirates having been kidnapped by them and then abandoned after they wandered off the mark of a fabled treasure map. This first Kiwiman then started a vast legacy of crime fighting descendants using techniques and equipment far in advance of todays cutting edge.
Then there is the man in Britain who claims he can scientifically prove that Kiwiman is a lost member of British aristocracy whose parents died in a terrible plane crash over remote New Zealand bush. This man seems to claim that Kiwiman was actually raised by Kiwi!! (Well partly Kiwi and partly by an errant Kiwi conservation worker gone bush Manalone style).
Yet another claims that Kiwiman is not even human. That he is not originally of this world, but was sent, either by chance desperation or by generous design, to watch over the rights of men and animals.
Could that be it? Or some combination of the three, could a man descended from aristocratic aliens with advanced technology and a strong sense of morality due to being stranded on earth by space pirates, could this be the inspiration to his amazing clothing design?
What is the truth behind the Kiwiman suit? One question that has always raised a controversy of argument between his supporters, detractors and the undecided alike:
Is his jumpsuit covered in real Kiwi feathers?
I hae tried to get an answer from the experts (mentioned above so you can bet how helpful they were) but also from the authorities. I asked the police if they had ever recovered feathers from the scene of a Kiwiman investigation. My thinking was that if they had then they would surely have had the feather analyzed by their C.S.I. team. The answer was a resounding 'No comment'.
So we end where we began, knowing as little about this man's sartorial secrets as we do about his origin. But fret not for I have been commissioned by our erstwhile leaders here at ESSE LOUDER FASHION MAGAZINE to track down and record the TRUE HISTORY AND ORIGIN OF KIWIMAN!
And I intend to."
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Anton McGreedy is a junior journalist at Esse Louder Fashion Magazine.
His current whereabouts is unknown.